


Standing on the Sidelines, Watching People Fall Apart. (A Great Alpha, You Aren't.)

by CescaLR



Series: The Time After Everything (Season 4 AU) [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (I hated writing that bit god), (from the past, (part of my Nogi After Effects series), Deteriorating Relationships, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Season 4 AU, Suicidal Thoughts, a metaphor that isn't the best but okay, and present ones that aren't very strong thankfully), from the past, manipulation of paraphrased teen wolf quotes throughout the text, the canonical ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7528480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CescaLR/pseuds/CescaLR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott's thoughts on his pack (and Stiles. Mainly Stiles. (it's always Stiles.)) after... everything.<br/>(and how it's (they're. He's. Himself is.) falling apart.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standing on the Sidelines, Watching People Fall Apart. (A Great Alpha, You Aren't.)

**Author's Note:**

> btw. I love Scott. He's great. 'm not sure how kind this is to him, but please don't hate me if I deal with this wrong.

Scott’s worried about his pack.

Which, well, isn’t exactly new, but the feeling’s stronger than usual, and he tends to trust his feelings.

(Most of the time.)

He’s worried about Lydia, who’s regressed to the girl he remembers her being; the Queen Bee, the Hot Girl, the manipulative, in control (in a way) girl he remembers from when he was first bitten.

(Back when Allison was alive. Back when full moons affected him easily, and she did things solely based on being in power.)

Though, at least she’s still a little nicer than she was back then. She treats her friends and acts as normal as possible. But mention certain things, and she’ll freeze: the name Allison, the words Oak Creek, Peter Hale, Jackson Whittemore, _Banshee._

_Death._

So, well, he treats her like glass; easily breakable, easy to shatter into itty bitty pieces.

Kira’s the least affected by what has happened, but she still is. More than anything, she follows their lead, does what they say and goes with the flow.

Liam’s new, fresh-faced and eager.

Well. Eager to _punch_ things. (His meds aren’t working too well now he’s a werewolf, so Scott spends a lot of his time teaching him control. So far, it’s not exactly working out. (He needs Stiles.))  

Malia… Malia doesn’t really care for him, and maybe it’s the whole coyote’s don’t get along with wolves, trickster spirits don’t get along with protectors, _monsters,_ thing, he’s not sure. But she is pack, so he tries, no matter how cold she is towards people other than Lydia, sometimes Kira… and Stiles.

_Stiles._

Something was up with him, Scott knows that. Something _is_ up with him, and it has been for a while, even before all the stuff that happened.

_(Oh god, Allison…)_

 And by something, he means Stiles being something… _other_ than human.

Preternatural, he thinks, maybe, sometimes. But Scott just doesn’t want to admit that, not to himself and not to anyone else, so he just stares warily from the side-lines, holds up the torch uselessly as Stiles tries to fix everything.

He should really help, as the Alpha, he thinks, but that’s one of his flaws. He just doesn’t think he _can._

So he watches as Stiles gets closer and closer to the breaking point, and thinks that he’s just another person holding up a light to help him find his way there.

(Malia seems to keep him together though. When he gets too frayed at the edges, they disappear off somewhere, and when they come back he generally looks more together than before. That happens more often than he’d like to admit.

He thinks that, as his best friend, as a person Stiles _needs,_ he should be trying, at least.

He’s ashamed that he isn’t.)

So he found a way to get them alone together, in the jeep, and that talk…

Well. It didn’t go quite as planned, but he thinks maybe they’re on the road to recovery, at least.

(Man, he’s getting good at this metaphor stuff, He thinks. Jeeps and roads and lights and pathways.

Probably not though. In fact, he’s probably terrible at it.)

And, well, he wonders sometimes…

Well. It doesn’t matter.

Moving on…

His mom’s worried about him, he knows she’s concerned, thinks he should take some time to heal his own mental wounds, some she doesn’t even know exist.

_(We were no-one…)_

But he just can’t, and he supposes she just will never understand what it means to be a true alpha.

To put others first, to defend your pack no matter what it takes. To be the decision maker, to do the hard, difficult things, and lead.

He’s not doing a great job of that, lately. He’s let things go, let them deteriorate just like Stiles’ jeep, Roscoe, has been left to break down.

They just – He just does not have the _time_ to fix things, because it’s one thing after another with them. (It’s only been a year since he was bitten; they’re only seventeen. It’s just _too much_.)

It was never right with them, he knows that. Knows that he shouldn’t feel responsible for the deaths just as much as stiles shouldn’t feel responsible for what the nogitsune did, but he does, and he thinks, sometimes very often, _too many people die, because of us._

And he feels guilty for the thoughts that plagued his head during his stay at the Glen Capri, because why should he deserve that release from responsibility? Why should he have the right to leave so many behind, to leave them to cry at the funeral and pick up the pieces?

He shouldn’t, and he doesn’t, because he’s the _Alpha._ He has to be strong for everyone else, he _has_ to give them hope.

Because if he gives up… He knows that at least Stiles would follow. (And a world without a _Stiles_ in it sounds like a dreadful place. He just – just _can’t_ even contemplate it.)

_(“If you’re gonna do this… you’re just gonna have to take me with you then.”)_

_(“Stiles!” “What if it saves you? What if it saves all of you?”)_

He shakes his head of these thoughts, and moves forward. _Gotta keep moving forwards._

He parks his bike at the entrance to the school, and sees his friends, _his pack,_ talking and laughing and joking and seemingly happy even though they’re really not.

And just like them, he puts on a mask, walks over and greets Kira with a peck on the lips and nods at the rest of them, ignoring the icy stare Lydia gives to the other students, the way Malia grabs Stiles’ hand and hides their clasped grip from prying eyes, the way stiles subtly lowers his hoodie’s sleeve down to cover any exposed skin. The way Kira notices and stares, confused, but at one little nudge from Lydia murmurs something about class and hurries off to where she ‘needs’ to be _right now._ Lydia smiles, more smirks with teeth showing, and strides off after Kira with a flip of her perfect hair, them having the same homeroom. He shares a glance with Stiles, one of empathetic concern, and he can almost hear the _she’ll be alright, buddy. We all have to be_ he might’ve said if they were alone. Malia inclines her head with a small, fake smile that turns more genuine as Stiles throws his arm round her shoulders. (Scott notices that he avoids skin-on-skin contact, and files it away for later.)

They turn as one, and walk off, steps in sync in a way that used to be them, him and Stiles, and he feels a pang of _something_ as he watches them leave.

His pack are on shaky ground, and he’s worried that it’s not gonna last much longer standing the way it is.

(He _knows_ it’s not. But he can’t really do anything, and every time he tries to fix things it only seems to make them worse.)

He hurries off after the two of them, because they have the same homeroom, and he doesn’t want to be late.

(He keeps them in sight but doesn’t approach. With a start, he realises he feels like he’d be intruding, and he wonders, _when did that happen?_

When he let it get so bad even duct tape can’t fix it.)

**Author's Note:**

> wha'd'you think? Had to rewrite a few chunks a few times till i was happy-ish with it, but this wasn't exactly easy to write for me so...  
> Yeah. (Also it's not really the kind of story you can be 'happy' about. For some, odd, reason, I don't think it's a very happy one. I wonder why...) (sarcasm, obviously.)  
> So yeah, this was just Scott's thoughts, and, whilst a legitimate piece in the AU's 'verse, also just me practicing Scott. So, on that note, wha'd'ya think?


End file.
